This week is the last one of APEM Asia Week. To celebrate being Asian American through food is as good as it can get. Yes, there’s a diversity of Asian philosophies, religions, politics, and geography, but food is such a focal point across all of Asia. Yes, other places love food too, like Italy, but it isn’t the same. In many parts of Asia, at all times you can get food from a 24 hour hotpot restaurant or some skewers at a night market. When I lived in China I thought it funny that people designated New York as the city that never slept. It’s probably the same assholes who called it the Big Apple. I used to hang with my friends in Nanjing or Shanghai, and we could get the best fried chicken sandwiches any time. We would hang at Boba places at 10pm and I’d yell to the guy across the alley to make me some Sichuan hotpot. Then we would all sit and watch as some domestic drama occurred in the apartment complexes across the street. Unless you are in Singapore or Japan, there’s potential for fun chaos in many parts of Asia and there’s usually food involved. Sometimes I lament that living in China may have been the peak fun of my life. I was rather young, and China is a different country now; but I don’t see anyone younger having that kind of fun. I hear people go to Dubai or did, but it is an expensive place. In China one could just get a delicious bowl of noodles for very little, even for the locals. Usually things don’t get cheaper, but I hope some more fun times come around somewhere, anywhere.

Going back to Asian food, it reminds me of this concept I always tell Jenny: that things need to have their “Ness”. That is, their fullness. I may not look Asian to most people, but conceptually for a lot of things I am undeniably so. A harmoniousness or balance is essential in all things done in life. I’m not saying it needs to be orderly, one should know from living in China that there’s plenty of chaos. But the whole is searching for harmony. And this is “Ness”. Take, for example, a taco. I love all kinds of tacos, but my favorite isn’t a specific kind. It is a taco that has all the elements for full satisfaction. There’s the right tortilla that is fresh, the meat perfectly seasoned with the right amount for the size, the onion, the cilantro, the right salsa, preferably thin matchstick radishes, and a squeeze of lime. That is “Ness”. Then there’s a Chicken Parm. The right bread is essential with some sesame seeds, the right thickness of chicken, the right mixture of seasoned breadcrumbs, the mozzarella, and the sauce. I prefer a bit of tang in the sauce to undercut all the heavy stuff, and it can’t be too big or else you feel like an asshole trying to bite in. Lastly, there’s the thing that most people fail at: the salad. Don’t even make a salad if you got shitty lettuce. It must be as fresh as possible and crisp. Take a bite of one and it should taste like the drinking water straight from an alpine spring. The next step is the vinaigrette. I prefer a good balsamic one over anything else. But any nice vinaigrette or a well balanced lemon dressing can be suitable. I’ve seen people put ranch and ketchup in their salads. We are looking for harmony, not the back of a Shop Rite. Also I think it weird when there’s too much in a salad. Less is always more. I’ve seen places add apples, nuts, cheese, and dried fruit all at once. Hey, if you are trying to lose weight and that’s your whole meal, then go ahead. But if you aren’t, then cut that shit out. A salad is some fancy shit, so make it so. There’s not really much in the way of you making your own salad that tastes like something from Alain Ducasse. Just keep it simple and less is more. That is salad “Ness”.

Anyway, I can go on with other examples, but I’m sure that is Asian food’s impact on the rest of the world. Before in the 80s and early 90s, food around America was pretty shitty. Yes, there was some fancy French food around and the classic red sauce Italian places, but it was mostly a wasteland. Then there was fusion, and while most of it sucked it left a mark. Americans and Europeans discovered soy sauce and food that hit sweet, sour, salty, etc... all at once. Ness.

I prefer to make very simple gelato and ice cream flavors. But many of you don’t enjoy them as much as I do. That is fine, of course. So whenever we make flavors with various components, it is important for each to have “Ness” otherwise we are going backwards. I’ve seen other ice cream places make some classless flavors and they’re entitled to do as such, but it is not “Ness”. It is rather desperation, something I am not unless there’s a BMW Z8 for sale and I have to fight someone for it. So when we make Deep Pretzel we have to be very careful. The chocolate gelato has to be the right cacao percentage and it cannot be too heavy in the flavor. The pretzels can be whatever but they can’t be a stronger chocolate than the gelato part. And while you can use any caramel, it is better to use one with liquor such as bourbon. This is a deeply American flavor so it must navigate junk and class at the same time. Generally, I think we accomplish that. The “Ness’ is everything.

Istanbul 2

Jenny and I had a wonderful time in Istanbul, Turkey. I have been attracted to the idea of visiting Istanbul for some time now. Not only am I a lover of history, but for years now I’ve studied civilization as a hobby. Because I read a lot about the rise and fall of various civilizations along with the general concept of civilization, Istanbul is a very attractive destination.

First, Istanbul is a Turkish city. Turkish culture at face value and with minimal experience seems very strong and beautiful. My brief encounters with people in the city were ones that made me feel relaxed and curious. It was kind of like when in Italy, but less melodrama and more anger. We found the city safe and had many things to do whether haggling, lounging drinking coffee, listening to music, or just strolling around. It reminded me a bit of San Francisco in that there was a large body of water and many hills. Yet Istanbul was well run and cleaner in comparison.

Second, Istanbul is more than just a Turkish city. It has layers of history within its bones. Before it was Istanbul, it was Constantinople and before that Byzantium. As Constantinople, it was Rome. I’m not one of those who buy into it being the Eastern Roman Empire or Byzantine Empire. It was Rome. The city of Rome in Italy is of course the original Rome. Yet Rome wasn’t and isn’t just a place. It was a civilization. Once the Ottoman Turks conquered the city, Rome as a civilization died. But they also took part of it to create something beautiful for themselves.

I love reading about nomads just as much as I do civilization. Personally I’ve always storied myself with the Celts and Saxons after the retreat of Rome. That is, I am somewhere in between, part barbarian and part civilized. Personal freedom is an undying desire in my heart, but the treasures of aesthetics, art, and our collective glory are sublime. A Saxon is both happy in a forest amongst the old oaks and in a marble hot spring. I like to think of it that while barbarians are closer to the land, some can be stained by the power of civilization. Something becomes abstract. And for many it is not so easy to go back, unless of course you are a Hun. For how terrifying the Huns were that their empire could collapse in a generation and they disappear into the steppe is something beautiful. I appreciate the impermanence as much as I love that Roman roads still stand.

So, to be in Istanbul was a delight. One can visit a bustling modern city living next to its past. Unlike Rome in Italy which while a jewel is no longer important. Maybe it is for the Catholic Church and tourism, but it doesn’t have any strategic importance to the world, and what new ideas come from there? Istanbul, because of its geography, is one of the world’s chokepoints. It will always be important as long as humans are doing human things. From the grain growing regions of the black sea that are currently warring, it connects that body of water into the Mediterranean and further into the Suez and beyond. Look at the rising prices of grain around the world and remember most of it passes right through Istanbul.

I should also note that we were there during Ramadan. In part one, I talked about the food; but being in a majority Muslim country during their specific religion commitments was something I was interested in. Turkey is a secular country and rather liberal when in comparison to other majority Muslim countries. But seeing hundreds of men on the first Friday of Ramadan praying on rugs outside the Hagia Sophia was something to see.

In the future I’d like to explore more of Turkey. As I said above I love to read about nomads, and really, I should be going to see them whether in Anatolia or Mongolia. Amazingly, I found out that one of the two animals I am not allergic to is the horse. And since I was a kid, I loved being on a horse. Turkey is like a good introductory point, because historically they were nomads and there are still some there. At this point they are a little like me: a bit still in the mind of out there in the forest or steppe, but footed in the ruins of a once glorious civilization while in modernity. I was told that Turkey sometimes doesn’t know if it is Asian, European, still of the Central Asian steppe, or other variations. As someone who is the child of an immigrant and also of Jersey and the New York area yet yearns to be amongst the old trees, I can relate somewhat. We know who we are in relation to ourselves but towards others it is a toss up.

Alex.

Istanbul Part 1

I have nothing negative to say about Istanbul except for one thing. For two days it was impossible to get my hands on an Istanbulkart. It is a card that you use for the light rail, subway, and public bathrooms. Once I managed to find a kiosk that actually had them in stock everything was a breeze. I kept the fucking card because if I go back to Istanbul, even if it is in 10 years, I don’t want to be going around like a jackass trying to get another. Other than that, we had a great time.

So I’ll set the stage for you. Istanbul is massive, and like other important ancient cities, it has layers that are obvious or need peeling back. Remember that as a city it used to be Rome. There are many hills, but that isn’t the real thing of beauty. It is the Bosporus itself. On one side you have the subcontinent of Europe, and on the other the Anatolian peninsula leading to the wider Asian landmass. Whether just walking along the water line or up a number of the hills, there are many picturesque views. Since before the times of Romulus and Remus, the city has been a crossroads of cultures and empires. Today, the city is thoroughly Turkish, but you can see its diversity in the people and architecture.

Let’s move onto the food. Perhaps it is just me but the mix of specific seafood and expertly seasoned meat had me in paradise. And to my surprise there was a lot of dishes with pumpkin. My ideal meal is cheese, warm pita, olives, dried fruit, fried anchovies, pumpkin, a giant dollop of yogurt, a shepherds salad, pumpkin, and some grilled meat. Well there’s also the baklava and I’m still overdosed on it, but yeah, add that to my meal. I had baklava from so many different places, and some were buttery and others sweet. I’m not complaining but some days I just wanted a chocolate covered Turkish delight. Since it was Ramadan, many restaurants offered a special menu. Don’t fuck around with this. You better come prepared. Jenny and I needed second stomachs, and we didn’t eat all day. The craziest thing was that the two skinny girls next to us out ate us like it was a joke. I wish I had a bigger stomach, because I’d eat like that at least once a week. All things considered we had some fancy and casual food there; and the fancy is on par with here in the NYC area, but the casual was delightful and to my personal enjoyment: consistent. A few places I went to numerous times in Istanbul were as consistent as Immanuel Kant walking across town. So I tip my hat to the cooks of Istanbul; I wish they were like that here. I long for a plate of shish and a platter of mezze.

Turkish coffee deserves its own mention. Most of it was very good, but hanging at some cafe talking shit and enjoying the sun with Jenny for hours made it even better. What’s better than hanging around doing nothing but talking shit? At first I wasn’t into the grittiness of the coffee, but it just becomes a thing in the background while you enjoy a moment to chill. If bored one could read the grinds and speculate about the future. Although I should point out that tea is a more common everyday drink there based on my experiences.

If I wasn’t making gelato I’d probably be traveling. I am a romantic at heart and as a child I read about far away places. Who doesn’t love a place with a good story? Istanbul is one such place and it is in a strategic location. Pull up a map, if you can, and take a look. That little strip of water they call the Bosporus controls access from the Black Sea into the wider Mediterranean which connects to the Suez and further to the Indian Ocean. It is destined to be an interesting place with many layers of stories. One of our hotels was in a small town almost to the Black Sea, and at all times of the day I could see huge cargo ships navigating the Bosporus. I’d wonder what was inside them. Ukrainian and Russian wheat? Oil? Guns? Humans? In all honesty, it’s probably all that. Istanbul will always be an important city.

Istanbul has left a strong impression on me although I need more time there. To spend time in a country that is known for not knowing if it is European or Asian is something I can relate to. A once nomadic culture that conquered one of the greatest cities in the world to be what it is today and what it can be tomorrow is the stuff of legends. This week Turkey has an election and there is no place for me to comment on their politician situation, but I wish them the best for their people and culture. I look forward to going back and deeper into the country.

Earth below us
Drifting, falling
Floating weightless
Calling, calling home
-Peter Schliling

Jenny and I went to Berlin, Germany for our Autumn break. Have you been? This was our first time and won’t be our last. There was something about the mix of grit, randomness, and style that was appealing to me. The city reminded me of when I lived in Nanjing, China. Apartment blocks were new, the streets small, and there was an abundance of little shops. It was also more diverse than I expected. The area we stayed had cultures from the Muslim world as well as Southeast Asia. It was my kind of place.

The first day there I was solicited for cocaine. And nearly everyday there. Maybe I just look like that kind of guy (I’m not), but I did crack up at the hand signals. I’m more of a “walking around with a 40oz by the canals consumed by existential dread” kind of guy. My idea of a good time is loud music and reading books out loud in my Tupac voice and no one pays you mind. So in that regard Berlin or at least my area of it was a perfect fit.

The Europeans do bath houses better. I found a bathhouse right in the city and the signs said “linen free” saunas and steam rooms. I was like what the hell is that then saw naked women. “Ah”. So I sweat it out in a 90 degree CELSIUS sauna with some women at 9am. It’s a great place to waste a day. They had these arm band things and you just order a drink and wave the thing at them. Some people sit there and read a book. It was also quite cheap at around 20 Euro for 3 hours. The NY area could use some of these places where its cheap, professional, and nonchalant, but I’m sure it would be misused.

I haven’t been outside America since March 2020. I forgot that outside the US you can sit at a restaurant for as long as you want. None of this turnover bullshit. Sometimes you just want to slum it at a bar or cafe with a friend and the place leaves you alone while you have a real conservation. You know what I’m talking about, the type of conservation that makes you smarter or more sensitive. And they’re not so desperate for tips that if you just order a giant ass beer and a thing of fries you don’t get the “side eye”. Mayo first too. Ketchup is butt.

Wine in America is such a ripoff. How is it that I can get a solid bottle in Berlin for 9 Euros and here it is $40 for some California piss? Good wine is so awesome, it is the best thing to sip throughout the day. Maybe that isn’t the case for you. Maybe you don’t drink at all which is fine, but putting on some Tame Impala with some Gruner Veltliner is prime level stuff. Plus wine makes you feel like everyone is cool.

It was 2am or something in Berlin and I heard music blasting outside my window. It’s some gang of bicyclists blasting music heading somewhere. And when I say a gang it’s more like a horde of 50+ people. I assumed they were headed to a club. Jenny and I didn’t make it to any clubs. If I can’t give the bouncer a $50 to just let me in right away I can’t be bothered. And for me it’s usually a group thing. I love the chaos of a big group having fun. Also, Jenny and I have different concepts of listening to music. I like to get lost in the moment whereas she’s actually trying to listen to the song. We kind of like the same thing, but absorb it differently. The clubs will have to be for next time.

I saw some really cool clothes while there. It was the type of stuff you can’t really wear here unless you’re hanging around Howard University in DC. That’s my gripe about America. In California it’s cool to dress like you just came from sitting on the couch smoking weed. I’ve even seen millionaires dress like that there. Tossers. In Boston they all dress like they’re a walking J Crew ad. New York is so boring right now that even the models walk around in boring clothes. But Berlin I went into stores that looked like a nearly bombed out townhome, an S&M club even with the chemical smell, and an Urban Outfitters with actually good things in it. That bombed out looking townhome was even the former residence of artist Anton von Werner. It cracks me up to see clothes that is like a mix of The Matrix and Mad Max or on the verge of a clown outfit but its done just right.

In Berlin outside our hotel everyday I saw young and old going to the corner store and buying a beer then pulling up some milk crate and setting up on the sidewalk. I’d come back hours later and they were still there chatting away. It reminds me of when I lived in China and used to pull out my laptop and put on kickboxing matches. How could I not make friends and meet people? Here in America everyone’s antisocial because we won’t do something unless there’s a profit. Maybe next year we will have a “I don’t give a shit day” instead of customer appreciation day. The gelato is free and you can come by and shoot the shit. Ideally we mob that whole side of Sunset along Broad street that it closes off the street. They’ll call the cops which is fine.

Ok I have to say something about the public transit there. It was on time, smooth, clean, and affordable. Basically the opposite of America. I never had to drive a car which was a relief. I’m a 0-100 kind of guy so driving here has no appeal to me unless I can rip out. Ask Jenny and she will tell you the smell of gasoline is one of my favorite things in life. But stopping and going in traffic, especially after living in LA, is the worst thing to me aside from shitty food. Besides it’s better to just walk or bike where you need to go. When I was riding the Berlin U and S Bahns I was always biting my lip. Why can’t we have good transit? Or devoted bike lanes (looking at you Montclair).

Anyway, there are a lot of fun cities around the world. It just depends on what you like to do. I encourage you to go somewhere and have fun. Museums are cool of course and we went to a few, but it is always better to just do nothing and absorb as much as you can. Berlin offered us a place to do whatever we wanted without hassle.

I also had some really good macchiatos while there. I’d go to my favorite place there and then hop onto an electric scooter and ride around like an asshole.

Pearl Oyster Bar in New York City has closed. It was a gem of a New York restaurant with class and style. And it was better than your favorite restaurant. Walk with my memories and you’ll find out why. 

There is Cornelia Street. Have you walked down it? It is a perfect New York street between a once amazing Bleecker and always dead West 4th. In the past, I used to have to wait for a table at Pearl so I’d get a slice at Bleecker Street Pizza before it changed owners. More recently, I’d just stand on Cornelia talking shit with Jenny. I love how it’s a fairly quiet street despite being surrounded by 6th Ave and Bleecker with its hordes of tourists.

For lunch it’s the bar, and for dinner it’s a table. I’m thoroughly antisocial when it comes to lunch at restaurants. Just give me a bowl of chowder, my Po boy, and a pint of beer, and I got somewhere to be. The staff have always seemed to understand this. Maybe I’m a dime a dozen, or they can simply read people. Honestly, for most of its operation, at best I came once a month. I was still young and exploring the food scene in the city. Once I settled and the food scene started to die off, I came more frequently. Once the whole covid scene lightened up, we came once every other week. One of our motivations was to support it so it may not go out of business. As a lapsed Buddhist, it is a reminder that most endeavors are fleeting. 

I’m not a lobster roll guy though. That is Jenny’s domain. My go to was half a dozen oysters, a whole fish, a glass of something white, and mousse. Hers was the johnnycake, roll, and her own mousse, otherwise we fight. Their lobster bisque was “fuck you, Ripert”, and their gazpacho was unrefined but belly warming. Maybe there were cod fritters, soft shell somethings, and a pie rotating around, but Black Sea Bass was always my center piece. Oh shit, I forgot the scallops. If they didn’t have the sea bass and I wasn’t in the mood for a roll, I’d get the scallops. I never had to worry about what to order. 

All this sounds very standard, or it does to me. But the whole picture of the restaurant was grand. And a few little parts made sure of it:

You can’t be anything if you aren’t consistent;

It doesn’t matter if you aren’t plain;

Your heart has to be sincere. 

Pearl Oyster Bar was wildly consistent from the year I started going there out of culinary school(2006) until now. Many of the employees were the same (shoutout to that one line cook that is a Devils fan), the food you could set your watch, and the prices were fairly stable. The food wasn’t cheap, but in my experience it was always worth the price considering how much crap is in New York. Maybe consistency doesn’t matter to you, but it does to me. It is the difference between great and “I don’t give a shit.” 

And this brings me to another element of a grand restaurant. It is the ability to just be what you are, make what you know, and be content in that. The pressure to tap dance like an asshole to the regular and social medias is unassailable. The design of your store does matter, your tables do matter, and obviously the food matters. But it has to be your own thing. Pearl was always its own thing, at least in my observation, and sometimes despite what was going on. Maybe I’m wrong on this and my inner detached WASP is coming out, but it is always better to succeed for a time plainly as you are than to be around long enough to see yourself become another. That is, of course, a luxurious position; but the best things are always less. Every endeavor, whether business or arts, gets to a point where you can take it too far, and then it becomes mediocre at best. If you are lucky, your initial thing was so good people got hooked like a drug and it didn’t matter if you became big. All they want is the high they’ll never get again.

I’m saddened Pearl Oyster Bar is closed. I feel I no longer have some place to be. It reminds me of the Seinfeld finale where I thought “What now?”, but that kind of means it was a good place. There have been many places that have closed where I couldn’t be bothered to blink. It was a good run of a restaurant and it symbolized an idealized New York restaurant in my mind. I hope the owner, whom I’ve never met, can enjoy her savings and her staff will be fine. There will never be another Pearl Oyster Bar, but hopefully newer versions of it.

Alex 

Well, here we are. We made it relatively unscathed through the summer. It’s been a hot one and there hasn’t been much rain. In one way that was good for the store but not good for the plants and animals. It is what it is.

I think we’ve finally hit a crossroad with our store. When we opened up in 2019, we had vague/broad ideas about the future because it was just so hard to find a vacant location. And when we actually did open, we just tried to make it through the summer. Then Covid hit in 2020, and our summer/year was all about that. The year 2021 was like a prolonged period of malaise. And I still don’t know what to think of 2022; it’s a bit better but as I’m writing this in mid-August I can’t properly judge since this period in time is always so sluggish and drawn out. Next year I’m definitely taking off second week of August and going to some place like South France.

Yet we are a food business. And honestly I don’t know if our gelato has improved, gone stagnant, or gotten worse. It’s weird because we aren’t new anymore, but we’ve been accumulating new customers along with older ones moving away and perhaps poached over from some mediocre yet more convenient places. We’ve had to shift and evolve faster than I expected. Covid and the short attention span society has demanded that. Both Jenny and I care about making people happy, so in some ways we’ve compromised our style. The Deep Pretzel flavor is a perfect example. I’m a reductionist and prefer less. If you gave me 10 ingredients I’d probably give away 7 and use the best 3. So yes, our stuff is good, but does it matter? I think the answer is that it depends. Succeeding (in one manner) isn’t about making the best product, but rather the product that is the best solution to what is today. And maybe we are out of date. But then again in a month the thing that’s hot shit is old shit. Everything is a quick sound bite. It’s hard to say where we are. We stretch the limits of our personal tastes with some flavors, but I can’t go so far as to make mustard or hot dog flavors. I’m too much a faux WASP to do all that.

So where do we go from here? Years ago when we were starting up, it was a goal to have another store and preferably in Jersey City. Mainly it was to have our main store as the production/soul and the Jersey City store to be the cousin. Plus I’ve always wanted an urban store. Before we opened in Bloomfield we almost signed a lease in the East Village of Manhattan. It was nearly a done deal. I’m just glad we didn’t go through with it because being there during Covid would have been garbage. But we had all these cool ideas for that store, and it’s only possible in an urban environment. That store would have been fucking wild. It was going to be more Asian, more techno, and open at like 4pm and close whenever. Yet being back here in Jersey I’ve discovered that I do have a soft heart for the place, and New York isn’t as fun as it used to be even before covid. I roll my eyes when people say its the most exciting city. So if our stuff is good, it’s partially because I care about upholding something good for the state. I feel the urge to build something here, and to grow APEM into a standard bearer of gelato/ice cream in the tristate area. Jersey City was a target because I can be unabashedly Jersey but still pull off what we planned. And Jersey City is very different from the time Jenny lived there. It’s more into our favor.

Covid made us go into a type of survival mode. Well that’s not an accurate phrase. We really went into a suicide mode. It was assumed that APEM was going to fail because how could you not when shit like Covid hits? So we just made the best stuff we could for you all. We just focused on what week we were in and made flavors in the moment. When we actually survived through 2020 we were like, “oh, well good. Maybe 2021 will be better.” But it wasn’t. I don’t mean in terms of business but it was like being in an episode of the walking dead. 2022 are those episodes where they’re all living in that fake town in Alexandria and people act like things are normal again. But they’re not. Today is fucking weird. Over the last few years I’ve watched friends and family become more paranoid, fearful, and socially awkward. I spent many years in the void so this kind of social alienation was nothing new to me.

Another store is on hold, that’s for sure. But if we are to continue, what do we need? Well, first, we need a good full time employee. We need a sergeant. Covid took a lot out of us. My back is fucking shot, Jenny’s wrists are ruined, and the one thing that I love as much as gelato, traveling, was taken from me. For me traveling is like breathing. It is in my family’s blood. And there’s no other store, or even a sustained future with our current store, if we don’t have our rock. Second, we have storage issues. When we selected our current location, we just had to fucking take it. There was nothing out there except overpriced locations(if we were even able to find a vacant space) and rentals that weren’t made for startups. But now we are out of space. With a sergeant and more storage, we could be open 7 days a week and have another store. We’d certainly like all, but is it possible? That’s what we have to find out. Even if we start to piece together solutions for those problems we will need help to reach those goals. That’s money and people with skills to squeeze us into a good location and find that storage.

Overall, despite my observations of today I think we still make something special. Our style and flavors are unique, and we really care about uplifting Jersey in terms of offering something that you can be proud of. But to get from here to where we can do all these things involves a lot of parts moving at the same time. I have the skill and passion for it, Jenny provides the hospitality and heart backbone, but we need more pieces. And maybe we need to go back to our roots a little more. I think I’d like APEM to become more focused on my skills and passion for it all. I’m a rolling ball of fire when it comes to things I love and given the tools and help I’m the best. It’s something to let settle as we head into Autumn.

Me outside the house of my favorite poet Robinson Jeffers. His poetry has helped to keep the fuel going at APEM.

I have serious doubts about you if you are from New Jersey and don’t scheme. I love a good scheme, especially when it’s a scheme to make better gelato. I never scheme against a customer because for you I have honor. Our margins aren’t as good as the dogshit ice cream places out there, because we use actual ingredients. So I scheme. Plus you all deserve the best. 

My favorite was tricking hipsters. I play a good hipster—I didn’t shave, I’d slap myself a few times to look malnourished or tired, and then I’d wear plaid. I used to sell at a farmers market in San Francisco and every morning I’d scheme to get fruit or other ingredients. I’d look for a hipster and work them. “Hey man, what’s good today? Did you hear the new death cab album? Yo let me ask you something, who has the best single origin coffee around here? Oh so check it, do you guys want a cup of gelato later? Oh wow, yeah man, hey grab whatever.” And I walk away with watermelon, a box of peaches, or berries. I give away two cups and get back a gallon. Plus they were hipsters so the universe is fixing itself. 

There’s also the coffee hipster working the tent. “Heyyyy sup. Oh man I’m so tired. Hey you guys want a cup later. Yeah we have nondairy stuff. Oh no, no you don’t have to give me a bag of espresso beans. Oh you sure? Oh well thanks, I’ll be back later to bring you guys stuff. Nice hair by the way and when is your visual art exhibition opening up? Cool I’ll check it out.” A cup for a batch. Sounds good to me. 

This one I can neither confirm nor deny, but maybe I hopped the fence of an avocado orchard. And maybe I filled a backpack and two canvas bags with avocados and rode off on my bike. It’s possible I made avocado ice cream with it. The orchard may also have been left abandoned and I was just doing them a favor. 

I’m not even going to talk about my strawberry schemes. 

It’s harder to scheme in New Jersey because everyone’s a schemer. In California everyone’s tricked on a daily basis. Plus while our government is corrupt theirs is inept. In Jersey everyone’s always assuming everyone else is up to something. I have a bit of dual personality with that. I scheme to make better gelato and to make you all happy. To achieve that I’ll do anything. 

We have been rather busy at the store. That is a good thing, but I’m also used to just ranting about something related to gelato and ice cream. Being busy has its positives as I am someone who thrives on chaos and flavors tend to reveal themselves in all the mess. I enjoy being a showman and hopefully one day we can take our business to another level where things can become increasingly more entertaining for you all as well as myself. There is always something new or to improve on to make our shop better for you. For now, this summer, we are just focusing on being here in the present, spinning the gelato, and making sure you are enjoying yourselves.

I don’t think or care about what other gelato and ice cream shops do. I have no negative feelings towards them, I just don’t see how it helps us. Rather I watch your patterns, comments, and vibe and we move APEM according to all that. This is a Jersey business and I'm very proud of that. It’s very important to focus on quality of life especially considering the last few years and so it is part of our existence to be part of the vibe that increases it.

Every year I used to have some kind of theme behind it. The year 2019 was just being happy we managed to open, 2020 was about survival, 2021 was digging ourselves out of a hole (we are all still in that hole lol), but 2022 doesn’t have anything. I just wanted to spin gelato for you all and see how it goes. Plans and schemes only pan out half the time if you are lucky. Real life gets in the way, and I’m at my best when the only thing that matters is today. Tomorrow is dumb.