Cocaine, linen free, macchiatos, and electric scooters

Earth below us
Drifting, falling
Floating weightless
Calling, calling home
-Peter Schliling

Jenny and I went to Berlin, Germany for our Autumn break. Have you been? This was our first time and won’t be our last. There was something about the mix of grit, randomness, and style that was appealing to me. The city reminded me of when I lived in Nanjing, China. Apartment blocks were new, the streets small, and there was an abundance of little shops. It was also more diverse than I expected. The area we stayed had cultures from the Muslim world as well as Southeast Asia. It was my kind of place.

The first day there I was solicited for cocaine. And nearly everyday there. Maybe I just look like that kind of guy (I’m not), but I did crack up at the hand signals. I’m more of a “walking around with a 40oz by the canals consumed by existential dread” kind of guy. My idea of a good time is loud music and reading books out loud in my Tupac voice and no one pays you mind. So in that regard Berlin or at least my area of it was a perfect fit.

The Europeans do bath houses better. I found a bathhouse right in the city and the signs said “linen free” saunas and steam rooms. I was like what the hell is that then saw naked women. “Ah”. So I sweat it out in a 90 degree CELSIUS sauna with some women at 9am. It’s a great place to waste a day. They had these arm band things and you just order a drink and wave the thing at them. Some people sit there and read a book. It was also quite cheap at around 20 Euro for 3 hours. The NY area could use some of these places where its cheap, professional, and nonchalant, but I’m sure it would be misused.

I haven’t been outside America since March 2020. I forgot that outside the US you can sit at a restaurant for as long as you want. None of this turnover bullshit. Sometimes you just want to slum it at a bar or cafe with a friend and the place leaves you alone while you have a real conservation. You know what I’m talking about, the type of conservation that makes you smarter or more sensitive. And they’re not so desperate for tips that if you just order a giant ass beer and a thing of fries you don’t get the “side eye”. Mayo first too. Ketchup is butt.

Wine in America is such a ripoff. How is it that I can get a solid bottle in Berlin for 9 Euros and here it is $40 for some California piss? Good wine is so awesome, it is the best thing to sip throughout the day. Maybe that isn’t the case for you. Maybe you don’t drink at all which is fine, but putting on some Tame Impala with some Gruner Veltliner is prime level stuff. Plus wine makes you feel like everyone is cool.

It was 2am or something in Berlin and I heard music blasting outside my window. It’s some gang of bicyclists blasting music heading somewhere. And when I say a gang it’s more like a horde of 50+ people. I assumed they were headed to a club. Jenny and I didn’t make it to any clubs. If I can’t give the bouncer a $50 to just let me in right away I can’t be bothered. And for me it’s usually a group thing. I love the chaos of a big group having fun. Also, Jenny and I have different concepts of listening to music. I like to get lost in the moment whereas she’s actually trying to listen to the song. We kind of like the same thing, but absorb it differently. The clubs will have to be for next time.

I saw some really cool clothes while there. It was the type of stuff you can’t really wear here unless you’re hanging around Howard University in DC. That’s my gripe about America. In California it’s cool to dress like you just came from sitting on the couch smoking weed. I’ve even seen millionaires dress like that there. Tossers. In Boston they all dress like they’re a walking J Crew ad. New York is so boring right now that even the models walk around in boring clothes. But Berlin I went into stores that looked like a nearly bombed out townhome, an S&M club even with the chemical smell, and an Urban Outfitters with actually good things in it. That bombed out looking townhome was even the former residence of artist Anton von Werner. It cracks me up to see clothes that is like a mix of The Matrix and Mad Max or on the verge of a clown outfit but its done just right.

In Berlin outside our hotel everyday I saw young and old going to the corner store and buying a beer then pulling up some milk crate and setting up on the sidewalk. I’d come back hours later and they were still there chatting away. It reminds me of when I lived in China and used to pull out my laptop and put on kickboxing matches. How could I not make friends and meet people? Here in America everyone’s antisocial because we won’t do something unless there’s a profit. Maybe next year we will have a “I don’t give a shit day” instead of customer appreciation day. The gelato is free and you can come by and shoot the shit. Ideally we mob that whole side of Sunset along Broad street that it closes off the street. They’ll call the cops which is fine.

Ok I have to say something about the public transit there. It was on time, smooth, clean, and affordable. Basically the opposite of America. I never had to drive a car which was a relief. I’m a 0-100 kind of guy so driving here has no appeal to me unless I can rip out. Ask Jenny and she will tell you the smell of gasoline is one of my favorite things in life. But stopping and going in traffic, especially after living in LA, is the worst thing to me aside from shitty food. Besides it’s better to just walk or bike where you need to go. When I was riding the Berlin U and S Bahns I was always biting my lip. Why can’t we have good transit? Or devoted bike lanes (looking at you Montclair).

Anyway, there are a lot of fun cities around the world. It just depends on what you like to do. I encourage you to go somewhere and have fun. Museums are cool of course and we went to a few, but it is always better to just do nothing and absorb as much as you can. Berlin offered us a place to do whatever we wanted without hassle.

I also had some really good macchiatos while there. I’d go to my favorite place there and then hop onto an electric scooter and ride around like an asshole.